I’m having a quarter life crisis. I can’t decide what I ultimately want to do with my life, but I would like to keep my options somewhat open. I started off school with only a fashion major, added interior design my sophomore year, and realized this semester that architecture is probably the better route for several reasons. While at home for my friend’s wedding, I was trying to get my 5-year schedule figured out. I realized that if I just stick with fashion, I could graduate after this next semester. With this, my schedule would be fairly easy. If I go the fashion AND architecture path, I will be in school for at least two more years with 18-20 credits per semester. Last semester I only had 15 credits and was pulling 2 all-nighters a week, so 18-20 would be impossible.
It’s not that I don’t really know what to do; it’s honestly that I want to do too much. I have loved working in the fashion industry thus far. I also greatly appreciate the buildings and cool interiors that I see around me. I like graphic design, advertising, photography, and basically any other creative specialty. In fashion and architecture, there is a nice balance of many creative arts and I think that is what draws me to them. The incredible feeling I had during/after my architecture critique was what absolutely pushed me to pilot in that direction. The three main architecture professors made me feel like I have huge potential. I want to take that potential and run with it.
The thing that worries me is that I have no real-world experience in architecture. All my internships have been fashion/interior design related (Coldwater Creek, B/E Aerospace, Hudson, and Calypso). What if I put off my fashion degree for two more years, get a job in architecture, and completely hate it in the real world? To be frank, I dislike architecture in school. My sleep schedule gets thrown way off, I’m barely able to keep up with social affairs, and I almost don’t have time for my own personal hygiene. On the other hand, I love that architecture challenges me. I’m addicted to the stress and the overwhelmingly proud feeling I get when I know I’ve created something beautiful.
I wish someone could make the decision for me, but it’s my life, and I have to make it all on my own. I’ve weighed the pros and cons and nothing is really helping me grasp what to do. I don’t want to graduate too early, and I don’t want to graduate too late. I have this awful feeling that regardless which direction I go, I’ll always wonder whether my decision was the right one. In the lobby of my apartment building, there is a psychic. I don’t really believe in people telling the future because, to me, it seems like they just divulge people what they want to hear. In a way they get paid, while making people hopeful about life—what’s so wrong about that?
I know that once I make my decision, I need to not look back and wonder “what if?” I need to be happy and strong in whatever decision I make. I’m just such an indecisive person. I’m so irresolute that sometimes I feel a slight panic coming over me when restaurant waiters ask me if I’m ready. If choosing off a menu freaks me out, how am I ever supposed to make a decision that impacts the rest of my life?! I need to pray/meditate or something. Send me a sign, and don’t let me miss it!
Alena Netia Horowitz