Hump Day At Turtle Bay:

I’ve been going out too often. I know that. This blog probably is making everyone think that I’m an alcoholic, but I’m not. I think everyone goes through this phase, especially during the summer after they turn 21. I know that I have to slow down though because a) I don’t want to become reliant on alcohol, and b) I don’t want staying up late/waking up early to start affecting the quality of my work at Hudson and Calypso. It’s a little hard though, I will admit, because there is a group of people going out almost every night.

Dani texted me wanting to go to Turtle Bay for $1 beers, and I couldn’t resist. I decided to limit myself to two beers and I stuck to that limit. She brought her friend that came to visit her from Israel, and since there ended up being a $10 minimum, we decided to get a $10 pitcher. We later found out that the pitcher is a rip off, however, because there were definitely not ten $1 beers within that pitcher. Out of the pitcher, we really only obtained about one glass each. 

We were extremely concerned about the fact that men far outnumbered the women in this place. Then again, $1 beers kind of seems more like a guy thing than something a bunch of classy ladies would partake in. It was just so unusual because where I go to school, I swear, there are always a thousand girls competing for the attention of a handful of guys. Not to mention that a lot of the guys aren’t even worth competing for, no offence. I guess alcohol just sends people on the prowl, regardless of the men’s mediocrity. Most of my faith in the male population has been shaken.

At turtle bay, there were definitely some attractive men. I talked to a few. They were literally the horniest dogs I’ve ever spoken to. Dani and I were appalled. After no more than two minutes of talking to one guy (that I swore was gay from a distance), he asked me to go home with him. He suggested that since I was leaving after the end of summer, we should be “friends with benefits.” I was utterly disturbed. Sorry I’m not trying to get AIDS during my two months in New York. It was so uncomfortable, and makes me wonder if that’s actually how it is in New York/the real world? Don’t get me wrong, I know people have one night stands all the time, but never have I ever met someone that begs to hook up after basically only learning their first name. No thank you.

All of a sudden, Dani started whispering and almost hyperventilating. She said, “OhmyGod, Alena… Channing Tatum is behind you!” I turned around at the bar to a ruggedly chiseled man with sleepy eyes and a great smile. There was no way that Channing Tatum was standing right behind me, so I decided I would go inspect the situation. There was a small black woman standing right beside me and she was getting all huffy that I was going to talk to him. She was saying all these inappropriate comments about him, which I’m going to refrain from repeating over the Internet. I walked up to Channing and said the only thing that came to mind when faced with the presence of an oh-so-hot celebrity, “Congratulations on the baby.” WHAT?! Sometimes I want to punch myself in the face. His friends started laughing and denied the fact that it was actually he. Regardless, he was an exact replica that I am choosing to believe was the real deal. 


Alena Netia Horowitz

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