“I See Dead People” (Prague, Czech Republic)

I was supposed to take the overnight bus to Amsterdam, but I started drinking in the hostel bar with all my new friends. When the time came for me to walk to the station, I quickly changed my mind and decided to stay for another night. We met a tour group first thing in the morning to take the train out of Prague to the bone church, Kutńa Hora. I’m not really into death or dead things… in all actuality, I have an irrational fear of death and dead things… (i.e. I still sometimes find myself holding my breath past graveyards), but I wanted to do some sight seeing for the day since we’ve really mostly been partying in Prague. Kutńa Hora was about an hour out of town and my friends had to reassure me not to be afraid the entire way, “Don’t worry! If you start to get scared, just think of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World!”

The thought of Disney World actually really helped me take my mind off the fact that I was surrounded by 60,000 real human skeletons, and I genuinely enjoyed the old church! The smelly human-fleshy basement, where you’re surrounded by skeletons and walking on bones (that I was imagining), was actually quite clean and cleverly conducted. Garlands of femurs and flowers made of pelvic bones stretched from one side of the church to another. Skulls and crossbones crept up the corners and in-tact “skeleton angels” dangled from the white rafters. I admired the artistry until hoards of tour groups entered the building and disturbed the silence.

After attesting to human flesh and looking death straight in the eye, what more would you want than a hefty plate of meat? We went to a nearby restaurant ranked #2 on google (#1 denied us service because they were too touristy for us tourists), and ordered a traditional Czech meal. They served us HUGE portions of slow-cooked pork shoulder, tubular potato dumplings, and salty-sweet red-cabbage sourkrout topped with loads of brown gravy and fresh baked bread. With happy bellies, we walked to an incredible gothic church (what-do-ya-know, another beautiful gothic church in Europe!?). Pretending to “look at souvenirs,” we avoided the entry-fee and took a free peek into the cathedral. We rushed back to the station to make the last train, but it arrived 20 minutes late. Funny how that always happens–when you rush it’s late and when you take your time, it’ll be early and leave without you.

The hostel took us to a popular RnB club with a 100-Czeck-Koruna cover. The moment we walked in, a super un-sober Czech guy started buying us drinks. Though we couldn’t really communicate, we capitalized on his intoxication and accepted free drink followed by free drink. Finally, the bouncers dragged him out of the club because he kept throwing his receipts across the club after he paid. We went outside in search of cigarettes and ran into some Italian guys that we mistook for Frenchman because they were so stylish. When they told us Italian is similar to Spanish, we started spewing Spanish at them. I swear I get better at Spanish when I’m a little over-the-limit… Either that or I get more confident in my Spanish-speaking abilities… Not sure which.

The club started clearing out and seemed like it was becoming a breeding ground for horny foreigners that were gritting their teeth and growling from the sidelines. On our walk home, we were pulled into another club by a girl in a fluffy fur coat. She ditched us to take stage at the DJ table after introducing us to two Czech guys that bought us some more drinks. Things got blurry after winning a second game of pool and we headed back to the hostel. We sat outside chatting with other drunkards until the sky lightened and the sun started coming up. It was too much effort to make it to our beds at this point, so we all crashed, sitting upright, cuddled on the couch together.


Alena Horowitz | Miss Potato

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