Un-classy Promoters:


Simon went soft on me and decided that he needed a summer boo. He has hardly been coming out with us lately because he’s hanging out with this lady friend. In a way, it sucks, because everyone says that he’s seriously the greatest promoter ever. He is literally the only promoter that isn’t incessantly creepy or rude towards women, and he really knows how to have a good time. I’m happy for him though. No, that’s pretty much a lie because now we have to go out with my friend’s promoter, and he is nothing like Simon and his gang. After this party specific night, we decided that we are never going with her promoter again.

We got to EVR and were told by this promoter to go to the back of the line. He was a sweaty obese white guy that smelled like alcohol and swimming pools. We should have known that he would have been a horrible promoter judging by his appearance. This new guy kept cracking jokes to the girls in front of us about how he wished they were dressed sluttier so that we could get in sooner. The real problem wasn’t the girl’s outfits. It was that he was a lousy promoter, and that’s why we weren’t getting in. All my NYU girlfriends say that good promoters are known for looking good. Apparently good-looking people only hang around good-looking people.

My friend caught strep throat two weeks ago somehow, so we weren’t really going out to drink. We needed to dance to help blow off some steam from the busy week at work.  Luckily, once inside, we realized that the DJ was great. I love when DJs play throwback music—the stuff that everyone knows the words to. Britney Spears, and 50 Cent will never get old in my book; I grew up on that stuff! The difference was that the tempo was sped up and there was always a drop. Everyone was shouting the words along with the music. Hearing people say the wrong words on accident makes things so much more interesting.

Finally seated at the promoter’s table, we watched as the restless girls waited for their free bottle. Nobody really breaks out of the groups that they came with at clubs, girls all just seem to sit quietly and mean mug their onlookers. When the bottle finally came, rather than pouring the girls drinks, the promoter grabbed it out of the server’s hand, took off the lid, and chugged directly out of the bottle’s mouth. Sorry, Mr., but I don’t want your slobbery obese lips touching anything that I’m going to drink. Like who the heck do you think you are?! After this happened, we formally decided that we weren’t drinking that night. There was just too much at risk with that dirty mouth of his.

Despite our gruesome promoter, EVR was great! Not only was this club equipped with an awesome DJ, there were also incredible dancers every way that you turned. They were not the most tasteful dancers, but if I were able to move my body in the way that these women could, I would probably want to show it off just the same. There were long glass balconies that hovered above the crowd, and in these, the dancers were kept distant from the grabby middle class men. Every once in a while, however, the girls would enter onto a small stage near the DJ booth to showcase her best moves. Why did I take ballet when I should have been taking pole-dancing?! 😉


Alena Netia Horowitz

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