This week I’m taking a break from my crazy NY lifestyle to return back to the calm of Idaho. One of my best friends from high school is getting married this weekend and I have the pleasure of being the maid of honor. In high school we were part of a trifecta, so Natalie also has another maid of honor. We’ve been close since the very day I set foot into Sandpoint high school my freshman year. Even though our lives have gone in very opposite directions (her settling down, me being a slut), we still find time to call each other and see each other whenever I’m back from University.
I didn’t realize that leaving New York was going to be so hard to do today. I cried! I mostly cried because I was lost in Penn Station, there were no representatives in the information kiosks, everyone I tried to talk to didn’t speak English, and then there was the belligerent lady gagging herself right in front of me. After she has finished vomiting on the floor, she turned around and proceeded to ask me if I had any change I could spare for her. No, I told her with a look of disgust on my face that matched everyone else’s around me. You know, drunk lady, this is the reason why people are usually unwilling to help homeless people. Congratulations, you fit the stereotype perfectly.
Part of my sadness, I think, was because I was leaving my new life behind. There is seriously something incredible that goes on every single day in the city, so it was hard to pass up. I have the rest of the summer, though and your best friend only gets married once (or twice). Regardless, the wedding was something that I could not have afforded to miss, though airfare to make it there and back was highly unaffordable. I told Natalie that I couldn’t buy her an amazing gift and she said kindly, “You being there will be my wedding gift.” It made me really happy that she understood. I’m not a cheap person, but I’ve been working for free this entire summer and having to eat to stay alive.
So many people I attended high school with are getting married and having children. Yes, marriage around this age is normal, but I feel like I’ll almost never be ready. Perhaps I feel this way right now after witnessing my parent’s marriage fall through. After everything that has happened, I feel like I’ll never be able to fully trust a relationship because there will always be that “What if?” I know this is a horrible outlook to have, so I try to stay positive in every relationship that I have. So far, nothing has gone in the marriage direction, however, and I doubt it will in the near future. Maybe it’s my lack of trust, or maybe it’d because baby fever hasn’t stuck in my life yet. I have plenty of time to hold out and find someone I’m fascinated by.
I’m excited for her wedding, but also terrified for some reason. When your best friends start getting married, you know that you’re starting to get to that age, and that scares me. There is just so much I want to do with my life before I tie the knot. I want to live my life, enjoy myself, and frankly, be able to be as selfish as I want during my 20s. I guess if you find love at this age, why not take the marriage route? Natalie is happy, at least from what she’s told me. I’m pleased to see her with her Fiancé and they treat each other wonderfully. I’m glad that she’s found the one.
Always,
Alena Netia Horowitz
